Beware! Beware! The Witcher 4 beta scams!

Harken to the tolling of the village bell! See the blazing of the watchfires on the parapet! CD Projekt have issued a warning about Witcher 4 beta scams. Apparently, people have been receiving invites to playtest the new Witcher, even though CD Projekt have previously said that their RPG sequel won’t release before 2027. If you sign up to anything right now, the only thing you’ll be beta-testing is how fast you can change all your usernames and passwords.

“Recently, we’ve been getting reports from some community members that they’ve been invited to a beta test of The Witcher 4 – this is a scam!” shrieks a social media post, like a cleric at the chapel door ushering the peasants inside. “We’ve been taking the necessary steps to take this fraudulent messaging down. That said, if you receive any invites to or stumble upon news of one, we kindly ask you to report the scam using the tools available to you in your email client or the social media platform you are using.”

“Remember: professional monster slayers don’t fall for scams,” the post adds, just in case that immersion-breaking mention of email clients had sabotaged your day with the knowledge that you are not, in fact, a greying leathery Lothario with a silver sword. “They see right through them and slay them!”

Not to rap you on the nose with a rolled-up lore bible, CD Projekt, but I think that characterisation does The Witcher’s emotive branching storytelling a disservice. If this were a quest from The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, Geralt would probably trace the scammers to their lair and discover that they are actually small orphan children who were cruelly disfigured and cast out by the villagers on account of having hairy toes, or something. He would have to decide between butchering them or butchering the villagers or blowing up Megaton. Then he would partake in some sex with a witch (I ‘ardly knew ‘er, etc) and play a rousing round of Triple Triad. I confess, my memories of The Witcher 3 are a little rusty.

“Should we ever organize any beta tests in the future, you will hear about it first, as always, via our official social media and websites,” CD Projekt conclude. While you wait, you can re-read Ed Thorn’s (RPS in peace) frenzied demands for a double-jumping horse.