Bribe pigeons into criminal acts with infinite bread in The Bench later this month

Altruism is a funny concept. Most of us can agree that bestowing a generous gift of greening shelf-stable bread-like product on the local park pigeons is a nice thing to do, but what of the knowledge that moulders in the back of our minds all the while, telling us: keep this up long enough, and you’ll definitely end up with a loyal army of skyborne scavengers willing to enact your every destructive whim at a mere flick of your wrist? Feed them the really good bread, they might even let you throw them at things. From super seeded, to superceding god. Here’s the trailer for The Bench.

“Find hidden objects, solve quirky puzzles, and command pesky pigeons in this charming, interactive adventure,” coos the Steam page. Charming interactive adventure, it says, while gleefully showing off several possible instances of bird-related grievous bodily harm, including but not limited to: knocking someone out by throwing a pigeon at a precarious stack of boxes, knocking someone out by cutting out the middle bird and just lobbing a stale piece of bread directly at their forehead, throwing a pigeon right at a fat iron padlock, blowing up a balloon seller’s cart by hurling a pigeon at the helium tank, and at one point, just straight up drowning someone. There are also some nice puzzles. From the Steam page:

In The Bench, you’ll step into the shoes of a wise, seasoned senior enjoying his day in a lively, interactive world. But don’t get too comfortable, your mission is to find the hidden objects scattered around you, as you escape the clutches of the retirement home, for a life in the real world, all with the help of your trusted pigeon army.

Explore beautifully designed, colorful maps, each with its own quirks, and dive into fun mini-games, such as solving newspaper puzzles, playing chess, bowls, or going fishing! There’s plenty to do to keep your mind sharp and stop you from dozing off.

This one’s out October 24th. Not strictly a Halloween game, but I suppose that depends how you feel about pigeons.