There’s nothing like attending a live sporting event. Sure, it’s still fun to watch sports on TV, especially with a few friends who support the same team. But there’s nothing like attending a game in person. The speed, the skill, the sheer talent on display are a treat for the senses.
While none of these entries are necessarily viable as a real-world sport at the time of writing, that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be a blast to watch live. Hell, the defiance of the laws of physics would make it even more exciting. While we may not be able to attend these video game sporting events right now, you better believe we’d be willing to buy tickets the second they become available.
Blitzball (Final Fantasy 10)
We’re Underwater, Baby!
Blitzball is like an aquatic version of soccer, and the most popular form of entertainment in Final Fantasy 10’s city of Spira. Blitzball is played inside a giant sphere of pyrefly-infused water (this is also how the players can breathe), with two teams of five trying to score on each other’s goal while defending their own. There are two 5-minute periods per match, and a 7-goal mercy rule.
Rearrange the movies into the correct US release order.
Sign in to claim your place on
the leaderboard!
The water sphere you play in in FF10 is pretty big, mostly because the game isn’t designed for fast-paced sporting events, so it needs to give you room to move around. Shrink that sphere down, though? Oh yeah, now we’re talking. A sped-up version of Blitzball in close quarters would be epic, with close calls, plenty of turnovers, and plays materializing out of nowhere. Plus, given that games are quite short, you could stack multiple matches in a single night. That’s great for TV advertising and great for the fans. For the price of one ticket? I’d be there in a heartbeat.
Rocket League (Rocket League)
Let’s Put On A Show
It’s probably not surprising, but Rocket League was the inspiration behind this entire list. I mean, really, who wouldn’t want to attend a live Rocket League match? Flying cars, crazy maneuvers, last-second goals, stunning comebacks; this game has it all. It’s also like soccer: two teams of three drive rocket-powered cars at a giant ball (or each other) and try to score on the other team’s goal. Matches last 5 minutes, but tied games can go as long as they need in overtime to decide a winner.
Rocket League is already one of the best eSports to watch, and that’s just while viewing it on a screen. But anyone who’s watched it (or played it) will probably admit that if the laws of physics could allow for a real-world Rocket League match, it would be incredible. If I saw an aerial pinch to score a clutch goal in a tight game, I’d be leaping out of my seat.
The Sound Of Shredding Metal
Of all the demolition derby games out there, it feels like the only one that could be both extremely entertaining and not the least bit ethical as a live sport is Twisted Metal. The Demolition Derby itself is obviously pretty dangerous, but many of the contestants have a supernatural ability or two that could protect them. At least, one hopes that it could.
That’s really the biggest hang-up here. A Demolition Derby starring Sweet Tooth and Mr. Grimm would be awesome, but if it killed one of them, it would put a damper on the proceedings. Otherwise, watching a bunch of homemade death machines chase each other around an arena is the kind of night out that you’ll never forget.
Pokemon Tournament (Pokemon)
Watching An Elite Four Challenger Would Be Epic
This one could go either way. Following a Pokemon trainer doing what they do for the majority of a Pokemon game would be a drag. It’s like going to a golf game but even less happens, and you have to walk across the country to see the end result. That’s not going to sell tickets. That said, watching a trainer attempt the Elite Four gauntlet? Now that’s live entertainment.
See, it’s one thing to watch a trainer wander their way through the wilds outside of Cerulean City, but watching them at their peak, when they’ve got the best possible Pokemon team and have bested everyone else, would be a privilege. Win or lose, you’d be watching the best of the best, and that’s what live sports is all about. Alternatively, a live version of Pokemon Stadium wouldn’t be a bad time either, even if the stakes aren’t as high.
Personally, I’m not the biggest fan of American Football. I prefer sports where the pace of play is constant, like hockey or basketball; the stop-start nature of football has never engrossed me. That said, if the teams were made up of monsters, demons, cyborgs, werewolves, and skeletons, I could probably be convinced to tune in. Who am I kidding? I’d be there every Sunday and Monday night.
That’s exactly what Mutant Football League is all about. It’s just football, at the end of the day, but it’s being played by monsters with supernatural abilities. Buzzsaws carve across the field as they run the ball, pools of boiling blood mark the field boundaries, and a clean reception can turn into a fumble if the opposing team tackles the player hard enough to make them explode. These are monsters, my conscience is clear. I just want to sit on the sidelines and watch the carnage.
F-Zero Grand Prix (F-Zero)
The Most Exciting Races To Watch
F-Zero X
- Released
-
2008
- ESRB
-
Everyone
- Developer(s)
-
Nintendo EAD
Of all the antigravity racers out there, I don’t think anything could top the spectacle of a live-action F-Zero Grand Prix. Much like attending any racing event, you aren’t going to see much of the race firsthand, but that’s ok. You’re not there to see the race itself so much as to feel the power of the vehicles as they go hurtling past you.
This was a close one, because the Galactic League in Star Wars: Galactic Racer would also be a blast, and for similar reasons. I went with F-Zero because I feel like the speeds they reach are quite a bit higher, and there’s more opportunity for crazy maneuvers and track designs, with racers flipping upside down, riding along walls, and flying through the air in massive futuristic cities. That’s the kind of thing you want to say you were there to see.
The Rites (Pyre)
The Stakes Couldn’t Be Higher
How one would watch The Rites in Pyre without being exiled first is a bit tricky. I guess you could get rich, but that’s even trickier! Regardless of how you get there, once you’re spectating The Rites, you’re in for a treat. They’re a bit like basketball, with two teams of three players trying to get an orb into the opposing team’s pyre to reduce its health. They can dunk it in, for example, but then that player is banished from the game for a short time. Or, they can lob the orb into the pyre, which does less damage but doesn’t banish the player who threw it. Each player also has special abilities that can banish opposing players if they’re caught in one.
The thing about The Rites is that the stakes are so high. Every single player is an exile, but winning The Rites is the key to freedom. Teams would play like it’s the playoffs every single night because they’re literally playing for their future. Failure doesn’t mean death, but it means more time spent in exile. Meanwhile, the winning team isn’t set free entirely; they can pick one ally to liberate, while the rest remain exiled. Just imagine the intensity, the drama, the glory of two teams throwing everything they have at each other in search of victory. It’s the essence of what makes sports so popular. I wouldn’t just pay to see a game; I’d buy season tickets.
