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Los Santos Customs
I’m modding GTA 5 every day in a quest to either transform it into a PC version of GTA 6 or break it entirely. Come back tomorrow to find out what new horrible thing I’ve done to Rockstar’s baby, or check out what I got up to earlier.
Am I cheating? I might be cheating. I did not actually install a new mod for today’s iteration of Los Santos Customs. Like I mentioned yesterday, updating my Script Hook thing seems to have breathed life into a host of old mods I’d installed, but which did not work. Now they work, and here we are.
I’m definitely not cheating on my wife though. I have a wife now, by the way, and all I had to do to get her was teleport her to the roof of a skyscraper and gift her 22 sports cars. No more lonely nights for me, and it’s all thanks to Dating Simulator (Public Beta), a mod we probably shouldn’t look too deep into in case it gets weird.
Dating Simulator—which refers to itself as Anoxic Dating in the in-game menus—brings the experience of real-life dating into GTA 5. You approach women on the street, ask them how they are 40 times, and then they give you their number. This makes you “Friends” according to the mod’s hierarchy of romance, unlocking new, vaguely more intimate dialogue. Discuss the weather with your muse 50 times, then tell her you miss her 60 times and, brother, you’re well on the way to wife town.
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You can’t go through this process with men because it would, obviously, be weird to say “Tell me about your interests” to a man 37 times in a row.
Anyway, I’m basically the most charming man on Earth, but my attempts to corral a woman into marriage were hampered somewhat by my tendency to teleport to random spots on the map every 50 seconds. Fortunately, Anoxic Dating lets you teleport your girlfriends to wherever you are. “How are you?” I’d ask several hundred times, then teleport, then summon my new friend, and say “Crazy weather we’re having, huh?” another hundred times. In this way I made her fall for me.
It culminated on the roof of a skyscraper. There I was, there we were, and in line with tradition I kept saying “Will you marry me?” over and over again. She didn’t bite, though, and my teleport timer was ticking down. I did what any man would do: immediately bought her 22 sports cars at $45,000 each. I forget her name, but she is now my wife. We are very happy.
